This morning I laid in bed before the alarm went off, awake in that cozy state where all is well. The room was cool. I had had a good night’s sleep. I had time and didn’t have to rush to hop in the shower. It was peacefully quiet and then something awful happened. I started thinking. My mind created a list of what I had to do today, then it jumped to a phone message from a friend, then to thinking about long term things I wanted to accomplish, then to a disquieting feeling that something was wrong. That wonderful cozy peace evaporated. I was still in the cozy bed, in a cool room after a good night’s sleep. Before I started my mind on the racetrack to internal hell, I had been in a state of grace where I just was one with the moment I was in. I thought, “Back to reality,” but then I had a big a-ha that slapped me upside the head. It was so clear that my thinking took me out of the state of grace. I believed that my thoughts about what I had to do today were the reality but they were actually less real than the moment before in my bed. One wasn’t really happening, one was. Most of what I was thinking wasn’t real even though my ego wanted to tell me those thoughts were so much more important than that cozy moment in my bed.
I’ve intellectually known that my thoughts create my reality for a long time but that moment this morning was a life changer because I saw it so clearly. I have never been more aware that I was destroying a beautiful moment of peace and grace with thoughts of things that weren’t here in this moment.
As I got up and made coffee, I knew that I needed to open my computer and write this experience down while I still had the feeling and understanding in my brain and body. After I wrote down the above, I logged onto Facebook and one of my friends and teachers from the Four Winds Society, Christina Allen had posted on her business page, “Grace is that place where the left brain and the right brain come into harmony and nothing is done but nothing is left undone.” For those first few waking moments, I had that taste of grace. I had the understanding of the power of being in the moment with nothing undone and nothing to do. It was beautiful. I also saw how powerful my thoughts are at creating a world that is less than peaceful. And while I’ve trained myself to think that those thoughts are more real than that peaceful waking moment before I begin my day, I know that it is in those peaceful moments where the right brain and the left brain are aligned that I am also aligned with the Divine in me and in the world—that is what is truly real. The rest is illusion.
I want to stay conscious of which reality I’m sourcing from and it isn’t my busy mind which is doing its best to make me live in fear and doubt. I got IT on a deeper level than I ever had before. Writing this was a way for me to memorialize and claim the knowing.
Have you ever had one of these moments where you got IT on a whole new level? I’d love to hear your experiences and comments.