Messages from Exhaustion

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Over the last several weeks I have been battling some serious exhaustion–both of body and of spirit.   I’ve been getting messages to let go, to slow down, to rest and to take time for play but often not heeding those messages.   I’d get a message that I should get out my sketch pad and then ignore it as I had so many things to do.  A friend would invite me to go listen to live music (something that normally fills me up) and I’d say I’d go and then not be able to muster the energy to get out of the house.  Part of me would keep diverting my energy back to doing.  There was an underlying hum of fear –if I really stopped what would happen to the machine that I had created for my life.  How would everything keep going if I stopped?   (And yes, I would coach clients to slow down and not do it myself.  I know. I know.  Hypocritical–I admit it.)

Today, I pulled out my Zen Tarot deck by Osho.  This is one of my favorite decks to pull a card and meditate on its messages. Today, no surprise I pulled the Exhaustion card and this little gem popped out from the commentary of the card.

 "Life isn't a business to be managed, it's a mystery to be lived."

Yikes!   Ouch! Direct Hit!   I’ve fallen into the trap of trying to run my life like a business with a business plan, rather than an adventure to be experienced.  I “know better”  deep in my soul but I wasn’t following that higher knowing.   I was listening to that constant hum of human fear that says I needed to stay in control–as though that is really possible!

We always get the reminders we need.  The question is do we listen to them?  Do we allow them to guide us to take a road that we don’t know where it is leading?   Do we say yes to the mystery?

ARE YOU running your life like a business or mystery?  Running life like a business is a sure road to exhaustion.

I’d love to hear what you think.

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