We all hit Bumps in the Road of Life from time to time, sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally. Have you ever found that a simple bump turns into so much more emotionally than you bargained for?
A week ago on Friday, I literally hit a bump. I missed the fact that there was a curb in a parking lot and ended up ripping the bumper off my car. First it was stunned silence and disbelief, then lots of bad words. But what was more interesting was what that little accident with no one injured and no one else involved stirred up in me. Maybe you’ve had one of those moments where the accident or incident seemed minor but the emotions that got stirred up were HUGE!
As I drove home with my bumper sticking though from the trunk into the back seat of my car I noticed so much shame and embarrassment for making this mistake. As much as a part of me was able to say, “If you have to have an accident, this is the type to have—no one is injured,” another part was cringing and being mean, “That was really stupid! You weren’t paying attention. Where were you? You can’t afford this right now! Way to go, Carol!”
When I got home, I called my insurance company to make a claim. While I was dialing, there a part of me that was terrified of the insurance claims person yelling at me. My rational mind knew that this wasn’t likely but the inner child who had been harshly scolded for innocent mistakes like spilling milk at the dinner table certainly was running my emotions. There was also a cascade of old money stories from my family about how you can never “get ahead” and how “expenses always come in threes!” “Please God,” I thought, “Give me a break!”
All the while I was having this experience another part of me was watching it and saying, “Isn’t this interesting? I thought I had cleared this stuff a long time ago.” I’d love to just say “shit happens” and move on but my healing practice has taught me to look at the shadows that come up and deal with them as they do. If we are feeling strong emotions and we ignore those raw places and we miss an opportunity to clear old “infections.” And as a healer, I know it is critical for me to do my own work so that I can be clear when when I work with clients and not mingle my “stuff” with their “stuff.”
With the help of two of my healer friends I set out to track and release what was coming up through this experience. One poignant image that came up in a process was my younger self maybe three or four sitting on a curb poking at some leaves with a stick. When I sat down to talk with her she climbed into my lap and started mushing my face to make funny faces, squeezing my lips together and talking to me. “Remember how we didn’t like being yelled at for making a mistake? Why are you doing that now? We weren’t going to take mistakes so seriously! You are supposed to love us when we make mistakes. You are supposed to get out there and write and dance and perform. That’s who you are!” I smiled as this image of my younger self gave me this talking to in my imagination. And you know what she was right! I was doing to myself what my mother did to me as a child.
The 3 -or-4-year-old me who got yelled at for spilling her milk just wanted Mom to say, “Okay you made a mistake, let’s get the towel and clean it up, and pay more attention next time,” rather than yelling about how careless and disrespectful I was. My mother, bless her soul, was a good person, dealing with her own stuff. I’m not blaming her. I’m simply remembering not to repeat the same behaviors and perpetuate the pattern. I took the car to the body shop, cleaned up my mess and resolved to give myself a break.
In another healing session, I tapped into old patterns about using my power and about how I have yet to fully embrace all my gifts. Remember the 3-year-old me said. You were supposed to write and dance and perform. I had a big AHA about all the ways I had been holding myself back by beating myself up for the smallest mistakes or the ways that I wasn’t moving forward because I didn’t feel ready to do it perfectly. If you had asked me prior to the “bumper” incident I would have told you I had already worked this energy. But here it was again, asking me to look at it and love myself through it.
No matter how “spiritual” or “enlightened” we are, we aren’t going to avoid “bumps.” If the bump is triggering you, it is there for a reason. If we all were brave enough to do our personal work without blaming and shaming ourselves, cleaning up what mistakes we’ve make with less bludgeoning of ourselves or hiding the fact we made mistakes, we might find that we live in a kinder, more compassionate world. It is what we learn and how we learn to let go and love that is paramount in these events.
Can you relate? Have you ever had a little bump in the road, derail you for a time in a way that was much bigger than the event itself? Were you reacting off an old event? What would your 3-or-4-year-old self tell you if he or she could have a sit down with you today? I would love your comments or stories below!
My body shop adventure is also your gain. I’m offering a deep discount for sessions through May 25.
It’s my way to re-coup the deductible that I had to pay on my car and offer you the opportunity to do some healing work when you hit one of those bumps in your road that brings up the old stuff that is ready to heal.
To purchase sessions at 33% off, click on this link. Buy as many as you want!
And if you are ready to commit to do deep work, Buy 10 hours the reduced price and get one free.
Join us on Wednesday at 4 p.m. Pacific Time on Dancing with Life Radio
We will be talking about these bumps in the road and being triggered by the “little stuff” and the healing opportunities in these bumps. The link will work for listening live or on replay.